The 5 Types Of People You Don't Miss On Multiplayer Chat

It's insane the difference in chatting in multiplayer games now vs. 10 years ago. In 2006 you'd have maybe 2 people without a mic going into a multiplayer game, now it's a rare occurrence to hear another voice unless you're playing with your friends in party chat. It's a shame really, because it's led me to think I kind of miss the following types of people who popped up in various multiplayer games. I think I've gotten the top 5, but I'm sure there are more you can add to the list so feel free to do so in the comments below...

Annoying "Who's Got A Mic" Guy

The absolute worst on the list. Usually, you knew who they were as they would already be talking to no one as they connected to the game lobby. Maybe they're talking to themselves about how tired they are, poorly singing a popular song, or commenting on literally everyone's gamertag name. Then it begins...

"Anybody got a mic...mic mic mic...anyone here got a microphone I'm trying to do a strategy here microphone microoooophoooooooneeeee."

This usually continues for the first couple minutes of the game, and then will spark up again if they hear anyone else speak in the chat, as well at crucial points in the game. Don't make the mistake of engaging, as the rest of your game will be riddled with small talk and them commenting on something that just happened to them in game that you didn't see, and likely don't care about. As annoying as he is, you can't hate this guy because you know it was you at one point and that, perhaps, is the most upsetting thing about the experience.

Guy Who Plays Music And Says Nothing

I never understood it. The entire damn match you'd hear music coupled with breathing, and the occasional cough. They'd stay silent, even when provoked, and under no circumstances would simply unplug their microphone. What's worse is the song was 99% of the time something unlistenable and awful. Even if it was a good song the quality was so poor you only experienced it as if you were submerged within a fish tank. Typically I just assumed this guy was smoking ganja and oblivious to the annoyance he was causing, and more often than not, the lighter noises confirmed it.

Guy Who Holds An Entire Conversation Outside Of The Game

This typically happened with evening gamers. Maybe their girlfriend was over studying for a final, or, they're entertaining company by playing a single player game (how people do that I don't know). Because they're a douche who won't let their friend play or just don't feel like engaging fully, they put their headset on and continue to hold a conversation while playing. Rarely is it entertaining.

Typically it's stupid stuff like asking about drama between friends, asking how their day went...stuff only you would care about if YOU were talking to someone you knew. Even if it is entertaining, however, you only hear one half of the conversation which amplifies the frustration ten fold. Why do they wear the headphones? Usually so they can break up the monotony of their conversation with useless information like "enemy on left" or "C'MON I HAD THAT". Just take the head phones off man.

High Pitched Shrill Child

They usually came in twos by some crazy matchmaking magic. Either they were having a sleepover, in a party, or randomly paired up. As much as I hate to knock on children, they are the culmination of many of the above people with one exception.

They scream.

OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH ERIC DID YOU SEE OH MY GOSH SO RAD OH MY GOSH

Things would only get worse if there was some "too cool" teen who thought he was going to school some kids. You could guarantee the rest of the match would contain the following argument...

"Shut the f*** up!"

"Why?"

"Cuz your annoying!"

"This is online we can talk if we want too"

"SHUT UPPPPPP!"

Kill me now.

Guy Who Gives Mic To His Girlfriend

You know what's suuuuper funny? Getting on a video game and telling all the people playing they are losers and nerds. Seriously I love hearing from someone who has nothing better to do than talk in a game chat that I have no live. This is the teenage non-gaming girlfriend in a nutshell.

This one is perhaps the most entertaining though, as the scenario usually goes down a variety of ways after the initial statements...

1. Guys instantly start berating and insulting girlfriend which causes boyfriend to puff up and act tough.
2. People start hitting on her because being a teen male is a period of desperation.
3. Couple gets in a fight because two people aren't meant to manage one controller.

We can only hope for the 3rd as it results in one of the best interactions you'll ever witness in chat, but that's for another post.